Thursday 27 December 2018

Hallmarks of a Hallmark made for tv Christmas movie

After extensive research I have uncovered the secret* formula for Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel.  I am delighted to announce, that I am starting now and expect to have at least eleventy seventy films written and produced by December 1st 2019, just in time for the Christmas movie marathon.

*May or may not actually be a secret formula

Plot requirements
  • A European Prince or Princess on the run from his/her royal duties in a large city (e.g. NYC) 
  • A European Prince or Princess on the run from his/her royal duties in a small town in rural USA 
  • A career driven city girl home to visit her family...yep in rural America
  • A broken engagement
  • Boy (nerdy boy from High School who is now a Hot Man) meets girl (said career girl), a very minor misunderstanding ensues leading them to argue and fall out.  This argument must be resolved far quicker than it would be in real life.  Old high school friend likely candidate to point out the misunderstanding
  • Simply must, I repeat MUST end with a December wedding
  • No major plot twists
  • Holes in the plot are completely acceptable and welcome
Character requirements
  • Blonde mom.  I don't know why but based on my exhaustive investigations I just know all the moms must be blonde.  It's just the way of Hallmark and that's it.  Mom must be full of wisdom
  • Zany aunt.  Mom's younger quirky sister. More wisdom sharing
  • If career girl is blonde then her best friend must be brunette.  And vice-versa
  • Dad is present but not crucial to storyline.  Occasionally pops in head to offer career advice to city girl
Cast requirements
  • A male lead who previously featured in One Tree Hill or The OC
  • A female lead who played a minor part in Mean Girls
  • Winnie from The Wonder Years
  • Or Candace Cameron Bure
Oh my gosh, I almost forgot.  Critical to a successful Hallmark film (not necessarily critical to the plot or storyline - to be fair there is no correlation between a good plot and a Hallmark film lol) there must be a party or a ball close to the end of the  film where the lead female character must appear in a beautiful red dress.

That's pretty much it.  **Seriously, that's it..

Happy New Year all! I am sure you are looking forward to Christmas 2019 already after reading the above and knowing the treat you have in store when watching the Hallmark channel come December coming.

**Some photos to illustrate my points...

Oh look! It's Gretchen from Mean Girls.  That's so fetch

Candace Cameron Bure in a RED DRESS

The European Price gets his December bride

The End

1 comment:

  1. I have willingingly seen all of these movies- are we still friends ?🤣🤣